The Realest Lifestyle Blog: Lazy Summer Edition

Ah, if I were a lifestyle blog
The internet would be a more realistic place
Here are my picks right now
End of poem

Writing Letters to Counteract The Global Trashfire That Is 2016

A lot of my friends got letters from me in the past two weeks because 2016 is a flaming pile of poop in a bag left for us outside our front door to step on as part of some cruel prank. Mail makes everything just a little bit better. If I know you in real life and you did not get a letter and you would like one, poke me and make sure I haven’t lost your address because I’m a hot mess right now. Seriously, I checked my text messages and my Twitter DMs for Cecelia’s address and then finally Snapchatted her about it only to have her tell me it was lurking in my Facebook messages. Which begs the question: Is that on me or is there too much technology for messaging? Fuck messaging, write letters!

This Cross Fountain Pen That I Impulse Bought Because Retail Therapy

taken with my phone because who has time for anything else
taken with my phone because who has time for anything else

I’m struggling a little bit after graduate school—I do so many different projects and I’m having a little trouble making ends meet. So instead of being responsible, I purchased a fountain pen to make myself feel better. It’s black and white and it was only $20 so I suppose it’s not the worst thing I could’ve done. Then I got home and realized how much of my desk accoutrement are black and white, so at least I have a type.

Proper Lounge Wear

I didn’t realize that dedicated loungewear was missing from my life until my fiancée purchased these pants from Uniqlo and they were all I wanted. So when we got back from our holiday in Pennsylvania, I went and bought two pairs. They might be the first thing I’ve purchased from the women’s department in literal years.

Writing Three Separate Articles About Pokémon Go So I Can Play As Part of My Job

Self-explanatory. I wrote a review when it first came out, organized a queer pokégallery and one that hasn’t come out yet. So many people are complaining about poképosts and how we’re adults who should have better shit to do and blah blah blah I don’t care. The world is burning, let people have games.

DMing A Dungeons And Dragons Campaign For A Group Of People With MFAs in Creative Writing

Everyone is flawless. I’m writing a whole world for them and they’re lobbing that ball back with fantastic characters. I cannot WAIT to get them in a room for the first session. It’s coming. It’s so soon. I wrote this in the meantime.

The Realest Lifestyle Blog

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I were a lifestyle blogger. Then I remember that is a dum-dum-stupid idea, because I do not live with the amount of grace it takes to be a lifestyle blogger. I do not eat organic kale. My life isn’t an overexposed Instagram photo. I live, instead, with the grace of a hippopotamus eating a whole watermelon; the proverbial sweet guts are always spilling out from my toothy maw, all over my chin. I leave the seeds in my stomach to grow without care.

But if I had a lifestyle blog, it’d be the realest fucking lifestyle blog there is. Here are my lifestyle picks for the week/month, because let’s be real I’ve actually been meaning to do this post for a month and I’m such a hot mess that I couldn’t get it together until right the fuck now.

Fleeing Your Home Because You Do Not Have Time To Clean It

This has been happening for a month or so. I work from home, and I have the unfortunate and uncute personality quirk of needing to clean my entire apartment before I get any work done. My deadlines have been so hard and fast this month that, instead of doing that, I have left dirty dishes to rot in the sink and simply left. Thank fuck for libraries. I do not have to clean libraries.

Free Chapstick, Sunglasses

This has also been going on for the last month. I do not usually lose things, but this has been my month to lose things. It started at AWP, when I misplaced my chapstick. Luckily, I was presented with unflavored free VIDA chapstick and I continued to use it for days because I never changed my jeans and it was in the pocket. Fastbackward two weeks and I left my chapstick at home, but was at NY Tech Day and was once again presented with free chapstick, this time with .lgbt printed on it. I was all, MY PEOPLE, and I grabbed a green one. It tastes like green. I am still using it.

I also went to talk to the Via table at NY Tech Day both because I hate Uber and because they were giving away sunglasses, and wouldn’t you know it, I misplaced my nice fossil sunglasses? I wore them for the day, found my sunglasses, but have since misplaced my nice fossil sunglasses two more times and I still haven’t found them yet. I am now wearing free sunglass that say #ridewithvia on the side. But that’s fine. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before it scratches off, being that they are High Quality Sunglasses. The very fancy woodgrain is already starting to chip away at the bridge of my nose.

Spending Money You Barely Have Because It’s Independent Bookstore Day And Capitalism Has You By The Balls

Processed with VSCO with kk1 preset


Or because I love Book Culture so much. Plus I also lost my nice water bottle this month and had to replace it because I spend all my time fleeing my dirty apartment and I’m thirsty. Plus there was this great graphic novel called Baba Yaga’s Assistant, and I’m a sucker for all things Baba Yaga. Witches that eat children forever. I’ll just shift money over from my grocery budget. It’s fine.

Park Work; Animal Feces


Processed with VSCO with kk2 preset

Sometimes I work in the park. I’m working in the park right now. This month, I had a bunch of Amazon gift cards laying around, so I decided to upgrade my park game by purchasing a luxury picnic blanket by Freddie and Sebbie. And I love it. It’s marvelous. It’s so soft. It’s not tacky. It’s got a waterproof backing and comes with a nifty handle. So I went to work in Central Park with my new luxury picnic blanket. I invited a friend. She brought grapes and hummus and carrots and I worked on my novel for hours. For a hot minute there, I was living the life that one might hashtag “blessed.”

And then a bird pooped on me. I tried to live like an actual lifestyle blogger for one day and a bird pooped on me.

Dressing Like An Allie Brosh Cartoon


All photos taken with my iPhone because I don’t give a fuck.

What I’ve Been Up To Since Last August

Holy bananas, I haven’t posted since, what, August? Yup, August, when I announced I was a New School Teaching Fellow and would be teaching a class on how to exist on the internet for creative types of all stripes. Then the school year hit and I had time for literally nothing else, not even for updating my own blog—and I was teaching my undergraduates the importance of updating their own projects regularly! Mea culpa; life happened. Or really, school happened. Teaching was really difficult and rewarding! I did a lot of crying: after my first class ever, I stress ate a burrito and cried; once I cried on the floor of the writing office, sitting between two of my stunned classmates. That was Fall.

Spring, as in right now, is all about thesis. Our theses, as MFA candidates, are long fiction projects. My entire thesis group are working on novels, myself included. Well I’m just about done with my thesis—I just have to go over it for typos, print, bind it, have my advisor sign it once and for all and then BAM! I am done. So I’m working toward becoming a better, more stable human again. I used to be a stable human who got up early in the morning and actually answered emails. On Laneia’s recommendation, Abby and I both bought passion planners. I don’t know how I functioned without one. I’m making time for things outside of writing, which has greatly increased my sanity—I play boardgames and D&D weekly, and I’m practicing pie crust right now! But mostly, I want to make sure I keep y’all updated on the general goings on in my world: the pieces I’m proudest of, what I’m noodling around in my head, that kind of thing. I miss y’all. I miss putting a tiny piece of my brain out there without editing or larger points or things like that. So here I sit, in my local public library with my headphones in (for some reason, the whole world is here today and they’re all talking full volume WHY IS THIS HAPPENING) and I’m going to give you all a list of what I’ve been doing since August while trying not to eavesdrop on the people clearly having a FULL VOLUME meeting behind me.


  1. Most of my published writing lives on Autostraddle, but some things don’t! I was especially proud of The Pen Thing, an essay on my only truly obsessive compulsive behavior. It lives on Handwritten, a place in space for pen and paper. I love writing things out by hand—sometimes if I’m stuck on a post, I even write that out by hand—and if you love it too, you need to be reading Handwritten. And! They organized an event, so my essay was actually exhibited in an art gallery, which was a thing I never thought would happen. I was super pumped about it.
  2. I got interviewed over on My Remove Office about my work-from-home (or really, work-from-anywhere) setup. I didn’t realize I had a lot to share about working remotely, but it turns out, I do! Working remotely in a situation where I can set my own hours is legit the best thing for me, personally. I’m so glad there’s a growing culture of work-from-home-ers—so much so that there needs to be a website just for them.
  3. I interviewed Valeria Luiselli because her book, The Story of My Teeth, was nominated for a National Book Critics Circle Award in fiction. Because The New School hosts the awards, MFA candidates are offered the opportunity to interview nominees. This author is wonderful and her process for this book is so unique—please please please check her out.
  4. One of the things I’m proudest of that I’ve written on Autostraddle ever is this advice piece. I feel like I reached peak advice with it and worry that my advice-giving is all downhill from there.
  5. And lastly, I’ve been invited back next Fall to teach Personas: Cultivating a Creative Internet Presence again! I’m so thrilled—being a professor is a career goal of mine, and adjuncting is where that starts.

Take a Class With Me at The New School!

Hi friends! I’m going to be teaching a course at The New School this coming Fall semester that I’m lovingly and personally referring to as “How to Internet” but is actually called “Personas: Cultivating a Creative Internet Presence.”The New School course catalog

It’s an undergraduate course and it’s Thursday nights, 6-7:50. It’s geared toward artists and writers and if it looks interesting to you, you should check it out in the course catalog and maybe register! And then we can hang out and do cool writing stuff on the interwebz! It’s a class I designed myself, and I’m pumped! Are you pumped?

Kermit is excited about this course at The New School

I Had A Lot of Feelings About Fun Home

I’m really proud of this one.

In the days leading up to seeing Fun Home at Circle in the Square, I tried to think of Broadway roles for masculine-of-center women in musicals. I’m no theatre historian, but I’ve taken so many Theatre History classes that knowledge has fallen on me like so many watermelon seeds, spit from the mouths of those who know better than I; they took root and planted jazz-hands in my heart forever.

And I could think of only one role: Shirley, from The Producers. She sings one phrase (“keep it gay”); she is fat, speaks in a humping voice with her thumbs in her tool belt; she’s a punch line, held up against the glamorous (feminine) gay men.

Read the rest on Autostraddle.

Just So You Know—

the ‘yes’ and ‘no’ buttons
at the cash register
at the Morton Williams on the corner
that check to make sure you’re sure
you’re sure
make me laugh.


The answer is
‘no, I have not had an aneurysm
since you told me how much
my milk, bread and tea cost.’

I’m on the ‘We Hire Cartoonists Panel’ at the MoCCA Arts Festival

I’m speaking on this awesome panel at the MoCCA Arts Festival in my capacity as Autostraddle Geekery Editor (which includes our Saturday Morning Cartoons segment!) and it would be really rad to see you there. Here are the deets from the MoCCA Fest website:

2:00 pm / The Matthews Room of the High Line Hotel

We Hire Cartoonists

Cartoonists have often pursued split-careers as illustrators or other kinds of graphic artists in order to build stable careers. Increasingly, art directors and editors are hiring cartoonists to bring the entire capacity for visual narrative to editorial projects, especially online where new technologies offer another set of emerging techniques and formats. A panel of editors and art directors including Tablet’s Wayne HoffmanAutostraddle’s Ali Osworth, and New York Times Art Director Alexandra Zsigmond have all frequently worked with cartoonists in a variety of ways, online and in print. They will talk about what they do, the innovations they’ve pursued, and what they look for in the work they commission.

April 11, 2015 – April 12 (We Hire Cartoonists is on Sunday, the 12th)
12:30 p.m. – 5:00 p.m.

Programming will take place at The High Line Hotel at 180 Tenth Avenue and 20th Street, mere steps from the exhibitor hall of Center 548.

Access to programming on a daily basis is included with the price of admission to the MoCCA Arts Festival. Admission to MoCCA costs $5 per day. To be admitted to programming, attendees must display proof of ticket purchase for that day to the Fest. Tickets are available online now or at the door at Center 548 the weekend of the Fest, and on-site at The High Line Hotel during programming . This year’s programming schedule was curated and organized by MoCCA Arts Festival Programming Director Bill Kartalopoulos.